This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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