forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
