Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
