i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
