it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
