One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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