before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
