I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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