it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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