we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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