Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
