our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
