At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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