five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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