STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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