Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
