is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
