just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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