Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
