My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
