I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
