We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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