Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
