It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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