he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
