ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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