what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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