I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
