She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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