I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
