I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize