dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
