I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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