Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
