I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
