i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is the high leading the old right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
