Me too!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need moral support for this bender
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
