u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
