Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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