He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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