it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
