his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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