I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
