i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
