he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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