Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
