Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
