i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
