Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
