I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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