I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
