i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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