One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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