i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
