I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
