I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
