I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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