do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
