it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
