six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
