What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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