Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
