Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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