I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
