Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize