I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
