Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
