i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
