I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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