Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
