i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
and you fell through a lawn chair
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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