I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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