Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
