thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize