I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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