I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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