Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
