drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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