Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
