btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I AM VODKA MAN
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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